Last week was the 3 year anniversary of the day Terry Shambler passed away. For those of you who did not know him, he was an incredible person. I collaborated with Dead Dinosaur Film Company to record a piece of poetry in remembrance of a great friend, who spread so much positivity and love to many people.
It’s been a long journey since I lost my friend and then my father a year later. Grieving has been a big theme in my life for the last 3 years. Healing takes so much longer than I expected. What helped me was being open and honest about this process with the people around me. Poetry enabled me to do this.
It wasn’t straight forward. This is the first time I have been able to write about Terry. It’s taken 3 years to be able to reflect on what happened and speak out about what he meant to me. This was the same for all of Terry’s friends, we were 18 years old and none of us knew how to handle the situation. I believe that we all fell apart in a way, everyone was different after we lost Terry. There was always something missing and a part of us would never feel the same again. Losing a friend is hard when they are so woven into the fabric of your life. When thats taken away, it’s difficult to find your way again.
My natural instinct was to shut down. I put up barriers so that the pain couldn’t reach me, but it was always lingering. There comes a time where we have to greet that pain with open arms. If we can give a little time for it to be there, we can reconcile and accept what has happened. People always say that the pain never goes away, but you build your life around it. I remember my counsellor telling me that the void doesn’t shrink, but you grow and expand around that void. As you grow, the void takes up a smaller percentage of your being. I think I understand that now.
PHOTO CREDIT: ELLIOTT RUSSELL (DEAD DINOSAUR FILM COMPANY)